Tuesday 27 March 2007

emotional

Someone once told that I'm the most expressive person they have ever met.

I think that it is probably I'm such an emotional person hence expressive. Both I can take in stride. However, I can't say that I am handling either or both them well - always.

I know I cry when I am happy, sad and angry.
I know I binge eat (and possibly drink) when I am happy, sad and stressed.
I know I laugh when I find things funny or when I try to brush things off, not knowing what to say.
I know I want to talk it all out - good or bad.
And I know I do wear my heart on my sleeves at times; well, sometimes; okay, most of the time.

And I found a song that describes me so well.

She's a real emotional girl
She wears her heart on her sleeve
Every little thing you tell her
She'll believe
She really will
She even cries in her sleep
I've heard her
Many times before
I never had a girl who loved me
Half as much as this girl loves me
She's real emotional
She's a real emotional girl
Lives down deep inside herself
She turns on easy
It's like a hurricane
You would not believe it
You gotta hold on tight to her
She's a real emotional girl

Quite spooky when you find something that seems so much like yourself.

Monday 26 March 2007

nothing worth having comes easy

I've been facing some challenging issues lately in my life.

Most of it boils down to either a) being worried about something that has not happened; b) being worried about something that has possibly happened; c) being worried about something that may possibly happen; d) stressed over something that I can control; or e) stressed over something that I cannot control.

From the above it can sum up as I, 1. Worry a lot; and 2. Stressed a lot. Possibly for no reason at all!

The matter of uncertainty has emerged in my life time and again. Funnily I still have not grasp the concept of 'do not worry'. At times I can do it, then everything seems fine... for a while, and then somehow I start to worry again. It is a vicious cycle. At least for me.

I take comfort from verses in Matthew 6:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"

But to err is only human and sadly or fortunately that I am human, so I can have my falls and failures. Hmm.. quite ironic, in some ways since I am so afraid of failures. Maybe it will be something I blog about in another time.

I guess the only way to surpress the unwanted worry is through reassurance(s). So do we go seek reassurance(s) or do we wait for it?

Wouldn't it be easier if everything comes with a manual? For you who don't know by now I have a penchant for manuals. My sister Suemae once said that she hates manuals and if she buys anything with manuals she will let me read it so that I will brief her about it. Yup, my colourful life!

So back to manuals... However, not everything is foolproof though. Then how? Panic station!!! More worrying which then leads to more stress. Do you see the cycle now??!!

Goodness!

I guess the only solution to many life's questions is through trusting God. As a telly addict (those who know me would agree) that I seemed to have found solace in a recent episode of Scrubs, where Bob Kelso said 'Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy'.

Somehow that really hit home. I guess I will just have to constantly remind myself of Matthew 6 and Bob Kelso.

Monday 19 March 2007

life relationships

Life is difficult - It's old news.

As I thread through the motion of life I realised that life is made up of various relationships - Old news again.

One of things that has been bugging me the past few days is work. I don't often complaint much about work but this niggling issue (and a few others) is just getting on top of me. Somehow the expression of 'sleep on it' worked rather well - maybe I was just too tired (physically and mentally).

Back to work: many do not understand the mechanics of a business. I am not claiming that I know a lot but having growing up with a family business I often caught myself defending the business side of things. But recent events made me think - is it really worth it?

When its your business maybe - you need to defend it, make your profit, pay your supplier and staff as well as the boring taxes and legal requirements of a typical business. But when the tables are turned, and you are just a wage earner, does it all matter?

Does it matter when management try to put some business sense to you?

Does it matter when you put in your heart and soul for the business?

Does it matter that when you do the above you are appreciated (or not) for your effort?

Does it matter when all you do is take instructions without questioning the reason or understanding it?

Does it matter when you questioned and you are given really silly answers? Maybe acceptable and at times not?

The superior and subordinate relationship is one - rather complicated one (maybe not).

For some subordinates, they go to work, do what they want or be possibly required of (not necessary to the fullest of their capability), get paid and continue the circle. For others, they strive real hard to give their all to their superior and company.

For the superior, I'm sure they have their instructions from the 'guy (or gal)' up there as well. Also possibly their goals, plans and targets as well. I'm sure they are working as hard to meet all those that have been set out to them.

But then have you ever been in a situation that you as a lower level personnel been treated rather insignificantly - at the expense of the people up there? Have you been to a point where when you need the help or something from above you and they cannot deliver due to so many reasons even after you had been putting your everything into whatever you do?

See, why should there be such a compromise in the relationship? Everyone works together - for the betterment of everything. But that is the life.

Change the whole working structure into a family structure - you will see that it works about the same. Parents being the 'superiors' and children being the 'subordinates'. The issue of family hierarchy and filal piety is another matter but why can't everyone be treated an equal and work together? Difficult? I guess. And I've seen in so many instances that when children 'wised up', they then to think they are better off than their parents.

Likewise, this works in the work environment as well, don't you think?

Again, change the working structure and family structure to someother relationships, for instance friends, you get the same. Same goes to political and what other relationships you can think of.

Its a dog-eat-dog world out there. Life is difficult. Life can be frustrating. There is so much you can complaint (or b*tch about) and there is also so much you can do. But eventually something has to be done. Eventually you just reach to the enough point. Exhausted. Drained. Fed up.

Possibly you stop moaning. Defeated. And accept that this is life. You can change it. Or you can sit on it, even sleep on it.

But we only live once. And it is our choice what we want to do with it.

It's the hard-knock life for us!
It's the hard-knock life for us!
'Steada treated,
We get tricked!
'Steada kisses,
We get kicked!
It's the hard-knock life!
Got no folks to speak of, so,
It's the hard-knock row we how!
Cotton blankets,
'Steada of wool!
Empty Bellies
'Steada of full!
It's the hard-knock life!
Don't it feel like the wind is always howl'n?
Don't it seem like there's never any light!
Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in?
It's easier than puttin' up a fight.
No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy!
No one cares if you grow...of if you shrink!
No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy!
From all the cryin' you would think this place's a sink!
Ohhhh!!!!!!!
Empty belly life!
Rotten smelly life!
Full of sorrow life!
No tomorrow life!
It's the hard-knock life for us
It's the hard-knock life for us
No one cares for you a smidge
It's the hard-knock life!

Wednesday 14 March 2007

i *heart* foreign

I love foreign.

Foreign in this context refer to something that I probably don't speak or listen on a regular basis.

Foreign in this context refer to Italian and French (well, for the time being), okay maybe Japanese and Korean. There's also Spanish to explore as well!

I lurve watching a good foreign movie.

I lurve listening to beautiful songs in foreign language.

My favourite foreign movie is La Vita è Bella (Life is Beautiful) by Roberto Benigni. This Italian movie was just mesmerising. Luckily I can understand some Italian due to the wonderful years slaving, I mean learning music. But more so, I was able to read the english subs! ;0P

Well La Vita è Bella is different because of how it leaves a lasting impression of the movie. I love the love factor of the movie. How there is so much love in different context. How there are so many ways to see life differently. Ah.. its just a great movie! They deserved every bit of the Oscars!

Few days back I was fortunate to watch the french movie Amelié. It was an interesting story about a girl name Amelié and her adventures or mission - trying to help and possibly make people happy. But I think I love best how the movie was narrated and everything looks so nostalgic/magical. Also another movie that left a lasting impression on me!

I think its the foreignest of it that makes all things foreign interesting.

I would love to one day be fluent in foreign language. I have always wanted to learn spanish (which is at the top of my list) but with french being the lingua franca, I think it is wiser to learn french first. But I also want to improve my italian and learn german... goodness I can hear greedeeeee here.

Until I am fluent in any non-english, -malay or -chinese (and its dialect) language, I think I will be satisfied just continue reading subs! Bring on more things foreign.

Sunday 11 March 2007

h-a-t-e

I hate my overactive mind!

Its not even using all the energy thinking about things that are useful!

'HATE' is a big word in my family. I remember my mom telling us off for saying the word - as if it is a vulgar, swear word. I can understand she doesn't want us to express negatively. We can say 'we don't like it' but not 'hate'.

Anyways...

I hate my overactive mind!

I hate it when I spend so much time and energy thinking useless things - that may not even happened. This is because most of the time the overactive mind 'helps' me think biazzare and possibly impossible things - things that are unnecessary and would not happened, possibly never! Which all equals to 'negativity'!

Heck, this is what you get when you are 'creative'. Ha!

I hate it when after all these unnecessary thinking I feel so drained and nothing achieved. Only a tired mind and a miserable feeling!

I hate when it makes me stress! Stress of nothing actually. Funny, eh?

I don't understand why I can habour such a feeling? Why WHY WwwwWWhhhHhhhyyyYYYyyyy???

Goodness!

Best hate poem (my favourite actually):

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate it so much it makes me sick,
it evens make me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worst when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close
not even a little bit
not even at all

Sigh, makes me want to watch '10 Things I Hate About You'.

Whoever who come up with the poem is probably quite so clever. I actually feel much calmer now...

Friday 9 March 2007

my love for blogs

Sometimes I really wonder - why I have never knew about this whole matter of blogging years ago?

Well, I didn't really started reading and posting blogs probably until the last two years but then there is still so much to learn and explore.

I enjoy reading blogs. Although some of them are just ramblings of nothings - probably just like mine (ok, maybe just me or mine...). But the enjoyment of it is to see others through their eyes or blogs. Yup, blogging I believed is quite a personal thing. Although it is available for everyone to see, it is this choice that every blogger provides or prefer to give their readers.

For me reading blogs as well as posting provides a certain way of communicating to those who we are unable or too lazy to write to or leave bebo postings to. Friendster messages can be somewhat annoying and there seemed to be too much problems retrieving messsages at times.

Blogs provide this avenue for us to keep in contact, to let others know that we are still alive. Blogging gives us this freedom to speak of what we like or just to get something off our chest.

However, in this day and age of political correctness as well as all other possible red tapes, we need to blog in a diplomatic and democratic way? Wait a minute, what the heck was that? Hmm...

I long to say what I want to say on my own blog. Would that be a problem for me and my space? hmmm... I wonder?!

Can I be reckless and just speak my mind and not worry about the consequences?

Is that not what this space and blogging is about?

Before I put more time and effort in blogging in the past, I remember hearing of a friend using her blog to get back at someone who used their blog to get back at her. Is that what posting is about? Getting even? Or making a fool out of yourself?

Then again, this whole privacy of blogging. Someone once told me that there are 'strangers' reading his/her blog that (s)he did not like it. But the question is, if we don't like people to read out blog, then why blog? Pen and paper are still available for diary writing.

But, I do understand their reasons for the above as well. You get these strangers and stalkers that come and distrupt your life through your space.

So, is there a way of having your space, have people you like or would like to read it and possibly comment on it, but not misusing your site?

Whichever ways, I appreciate people who prefer to blog their lives and minds out. And I thoroughly enjoy reading each one of it. Most of these blogs give me a different insight and opinon of that person. I hope you will continue to blog and as for myself? I hope that I will put in more time to speak more of what I want to speak of.

Wednesday 7 March 2007

INSPIRED!

I met a really amazing woman yesterday!

She was so full of life and experiences. I always loved to listen to people sharing their experiences and life - what they do, did and plan to do, thus my love for autobiographies and biographies.

I remember reaching a point of my life where I found myself 'lost' (wow, the oxymoron of the sentence!). Anyways, I was intrigued at how I became 'lost' then and was sort of finding ways to find myself again.

Spending time with this lady inspired me to love life and to do the things that I used to do, to be the person that I once was - the bubbly, chatty and driven person that I once know.

I am ever so grateful for opportunities like that I had yesterday! Bless her soul! And I hope that more people will be inspired by her. xx


p.s.: I am so pleased that I witnessed my first lunar eclipse! It happened on 3rd of March. Hmm.. wait a minute, 03/03/07 ooooh.... Anyways, that is one thing in life that I had done. I may just come up with a list of things to do before a certain age or before I die! Wohoo!!

p.p.s.: On another note, the phrase of the day is 'People do it because we allow them to do it!'. How true! Just replace 'do it' with whatever you have been questioning about and all will be revealed. Amazing!!

Monday 5 March 2007

its only entertainment!


OMG! I think the Illusionist is such a 'WOW' movie. Well, at least that was how I felt by the end of it.

At first I was like... 'hmm the story seems like a bit slow - I better pay attention.' But then as it moves on it wasn't that bad.

My favourite scenes are the 'Orange Tree' and 'The Locket'. I think it is a very beautiful crafted thingy (what a way to describe!). Anyways, I like the story line. It was quite gripping. Oh! Another favourite part is when Chief Inspector Uhl puts all the pieces together and realises everything. Yup, that was a good scene too.

Makes me feel that after this I want to go out and read all those mystery/thriller/crime solving books! Hmmm.. I wonder, would it happened?